Reviewers call one Cornish town ‘too hilly’ and another ‘dog poo haven’

Reviewers call one Cornish town ‘too hilly’ and another ‘dog poo haven’

Three hilarious reviews of Cornish towns have been unearthed, calling one town ‘too hilly’ and another ‘doo poo haven’ that’s full of “spoiled brat” surfers.

The recently discovered reviews show that some tourists are failing to appreciate the sunny county for its natural beauty and are being a bit nit-picky.

Despite usually being firm favourites with tourists, Fowey, Mousehole, and Polzeath all came under fire from angry reviewers who couldn’t see enough redeeming features in the towns, as Cornwall Live reports.

Some of the criticisms could be understood, such as unfriendly shopkeepers, but others – including Fowey being too hill and ‘grotty’ – are a bit rich.

In the scathing reviews of Fowey, one visitor said the long walk into town was equally as long as the walk back out of town – which is true, as both walks are the same distance.

The couple, in their 70s, criticised the steep footways and narrow roads, saying “we had to squeeze against the walls to keep out of the way of traffic negotiating the narrow streets.”

“Coupled with that, the quayside had an air of neglect, poor scruffy toilets and telephone boxes left to decay.”

They went on to compare the red telephone boxes with the ones in Bath.

The review ended off by saying: “As someone else pointed out, this town should be as popular as St Ives but not if the level of local interest allows it to exist as a grotty area rather than an appealing coastal town. Last visit 30 years ago and probably will not visit again.”

Another review said Fowey was “okay but nothing exciting”, adding they were “not sure what all the fuss is for about this place”.

Next up was Mousehole, near Penzance, and its rich history and culture didn’t save it from a roasting.

One reviewer claimed that the “pretty village” of Mousehole was “spoiled” by the locals.

“Locals have an attitude and I got the feeling they spat on the ground after you walked by,” they wrote.

It continued: “I went into the general stores to enquire about the bus into town, the gentleman was rude, blunt, and didn’t even meet my eye. I decided to never shop there during my stay, so I didn’t.”

They added that dogs in the town are considered “public enemy number one” and that “outside of season [Mousehole] gets boring VERY quickly”.

Another reviewer called Mousehole “uninteresting” and a “let-down”.

“Before we had even parked we were yelled at by a local,” she continued. “We kept to one side so she could pass and were treated to her shouting you could get a bus through there – so not to sure why she didn’t sail through instead of making an a*s of herself. We had a coffee and that was nice enough.”

Then came Polzeath, the tiny village once home to David Cameron, which was called “dog poo haven” as they remarked it was “absolutely full” of “spoiled brat” surfers.

“I am not usually critical of beaches but I couldn’t believe how much this place is ruined by visitors thinking they are surfers,” wrote one reviewer.

“When we arrived the beach was virtually empty but soon filled up with surf boards, wind breaks and spoilt brats. We gave up when we could no longer see the sea from where we had settled.”

One woman left an awful review of St Michael’s Mount without ever having visited.

She wrote: “Never disappointed by the terrible customer service in Cornwall. I asked the lady about going across to the island and received the curt reply ‘not without castle tickets’.”